A place in which i stand.

Does everyone wonder where and what we all are standing at? Or rather, is it right that what we are standing on is something which we all want? Because i myself doesnt know and i hope im not the only one who thinks this way..

I really want to know whether what im standing on is something which i want and not something which have already been choosen for me. I'm sure some of us thinks this way..
A place which i want to be in..a place which i can be comfortable and not feel alone..because if you do feel lonely, then it wouldnt be the right place for you dont u think so?...sigh..

Life is so hard for me to grasp, for life has actually made its place and decision for me which i truely hated..if only i could take control of it..its not actually impossible but its just that hard..im not making excuses or anything but i would much prefer it that everything would be so much understandble but not easier..to be able to understand your situation and make decision base on what YOU think is right and not what the WORLD think its right..

Yes its rather pathetic, but i'll admit..i dont know what im standing on and i feel lonely..i think that im alone..none of the people here understands me or feel the same way as i do..i did everything i could, to be vulnerable, to be open but none of them sees or feel what i've been suffering from...none of them gets me.

I guess its just how it is..my situation is fit to be lonely..its right that i feel lonely no matter how much i want to change it..it still feels the same..i hate it, i despise..but its beyond my control or rather i dont have much power to take control of it...
Goodnight bloggers....

Note: Please i hope u dont ever feel the same way as i do..because its very difficult and most of all..very lonely..

Nightynightz...

Natural Existence

Wooow!! Its been awhile huh..more like a really long time..i seriously dont know why im posting right now..probably one of those bloggers urge or something similar..but still im posting..here it goes.....

Im sure some or not all of us ask what exactly is the meaning of our life..and the truth is that we dont know..or we do know but were not really sure..some says 'succeed in life, be successful, get rich or whatever'..but dont you even wonder at least once that theres even more meaning to your life than this? That your free to make choices?

Some people or actually alot of them told me that my path to life has already been laid out by god or that god is present to show you the way? bullocks! Don't you think its to vague? Seriously i dont hate god, i believe that there is actually a god..its just that people nowadays tend to believe in destiny, that their life has already been decided, that your lock with no choice(yes you do have a choice, but no matter how much choices you make the effects are still the same)..i think its stupid..

Us humans are fools, selfish, stupid and most of all greedy. If your reading this and you dont like what you are reading, then i suggest you close this window. I dont need ignorant people reading my blog.

If you want someone or something control your life then go ahead..but remember this, u have a brain for a reason..to make logical choices but not choices which have already been decided.

Goodnight and sleeptight bloggers!

wasted..

GSM Blue and Redhorse Jumbo..with 7.30am class in the morning and its 2.37am already..very nice. Hangover and headache..goodnight bloggers...college life is a nice way to to get drunk..

Conner Mark Warren

Just this morning my new little bro was born..Conner Mark Warren, our footballer:D(he kicks alot when he was still in my mothers womb) welcome:D..i wish i could be there to hold your tiny hands..and to kiss your forehead..i cant wait to see you little brother..


Conner Mark Warren




WELCOME MY LITTLE BROTHER.

Crazy group pictorial disorder....

Just an apology for my dear bloggers out there as i made you guys a promise that i was gonna update my blog after my first day in class. Due to some unknown reasons, yes unknown:D i wasnt able to write anything..*seriously, i didnt have time to update or maybe..maybe was just plain lazy..hehe after all, first day is and has always been very stressing..thats only when you dont know anyone or anybody in the class..
So enough with my excuses and lets proceed(Note: Bloggers, i hope you guys have noticed it too that my english have deteriorated abit..sigh)

Anyways, lets start with how my first day went by okey?:D..

My class was gonna start at 11.30am and i was still in my room changing, and fixing my hair and it was 11am already. As i noticed the time, rush hour mode was implimented:D:D..So i quickly finished up, checked all doors if all were locked. Then went for my normal school stroll:D( i like how it sounds okey?:D)

Got inside SLU at about 11.22 and i did not even know which building i should go to:D hehe thats a true Luisan for ya!:P..so i asked the good'ol guard which building is the CHS..and you know what he said?

Guard: Oh im sorry but i dont know which building..

And i was shocked, shocked to my amazement of how a Security Guard doesnt know the whole place,seriously he should just quit his job or find a new one:D(I know im mean:D)..So i just said my thanks and moved on..Luckily one student pointed out which building i should go to, and he kinda had this annoyed look pasted on his face..as if it was a bad thing that i didnt know where the building was(hey moron, freshman ya know, freshman:D i know a manual was given but i dont think it has a map in it now is it???)..moving on..

So finally i was inside my college's building and immiadiately searched for the room im supposed to be assigned to. Much to my surprise, there was quite alot of students crowding around the room i was looking for..Heh:D the room hasnt even opened yet and it was around 11.47 already..And during our orientation, they were preaching us about tardiness, lazyness, absentness of the sort..and here we are, a late teacher:D it was abit funny though..

Finally our english teacher came and it was almost 12 already..we all got in, did some introductions and then word pronunciations which was somehow weird in a way(it can't be help i guess,some students cant properly pronounce some words..dont worry, im proud of you guys for trying:) seriously, i am..its good to try ya know atleast you'll know yer mistakes)..anyways,after our english class, lunch break!:D
*skip, skip skip skip*

So now im back to SLU and our next class was MATHS!:D wooohhaa!! So excited,except no teacher came:D:D and their telling us about tardiness:D:D hahaha its hilarious..So we basically just talked and talked and talked, met some new friends.

Next class was Logic, our teacher was around 50ish i think and he was telling us about life philosophy and he was a SEXIST!:D:D hahha seriously this school is getting more and more interesting everyday:D He was like asking a guy who was a homosexual, about his gender..i mean how stupid is that?! DUH! His Male!!..sigh..*skip, skip, skip and skip* (Only writing interesting parts okey? Not all:D)

Second Day...I was LATE FOR SCHOOL!!:D:D hahaha and thank god i wasnt alone:D:D hehehe 3 of us good students were late:D another Luisan bonus ehh?:D:D so we waited and waited till the Filpino subject finishes so we 3 can get in
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okey i think im gonna hit the sack now..*yawn* sorry bloggers didnt have enough sleep lastnight, i can barely keep my eyes open as im writing this blog..hehe atleast i tried:D:D goodnight people.
PS: Hubgezzzzzz!!!!!! nyyaaahhhaaa

Cold water placement..

Hello bloggers:D:D this is my first blog update since i've moved here in Baguio so enjoy..or not..up to you..which ever you want..

So lets start with my room kay:D its big:D very big but...no cabinet and no table, just a double decker type of bed inside the room:( its kinda lonely in a way, considering the place is big and im all alone:(..sad i know but its a whatchimaculit challenge to live alone without your parents to cook and simply be around..**wait im not alone, i live with a guy..his my so called housemate eh..**:D:D but were not sharing the same room okey:D he has his own bedroom and we both share the cockroach infested kitchen, which i took care of already:D and the bathroom is okey, not so dirty and not so clean either..

Anyways, the only problem i have is that i have to take a bath using a freakin, freezing, dammmmm coooollllddd water!!! seriously cold..and i have no fu***ng heater..was hoping i'd get use to it but no luck so far, its still cold, daamm cold..

Here i am in this place called Zola Cafe:D its like weststreet back in Brunei..free wireless internet connection but you gotta order to use it:D so yea..its kinda dark outside considering its only 3.30 in the aft:) weird but cool..

Yesterday, i had my school orientation and it was dammm boring, i almost fell asleep actually..some dude talking about being a Luisian(thats what i am now) is good and transform your spirit and all, the rest is just a blllaaaa to me, wasnt listening..And then some students did some dance performance and a shadow act or whatever, that was basically the only fun part of that orientation..After that whole boring orientation, i got my I.D:) hehehe..

So thats basically whats been up with me since i got here in Baguio..ohhh wait i have this friend called Rex:) a really nice guy:) thats about it..

So bye bye bloggers..My school starts this Monday, so i'll be updating this blog after my class..So look forward to it :D im sure you guys are gonna enjoy my next update:D BYE now bloggers:D See ya:D

i miss you..

sorry bloggers, this is not the long-uber-update im posting:(..

This is something which none of you can understand or maybe there might be some who can..

Just a few hours ago, i sent my girlfriend to the airport..Its not just you're usual ' i send you to the airport, then i'll see you again' stuff, its deeper i should say or more like something which is you cant explain by just mere words..

Its my first time actually, someone who can actually truly see the meaning of your life and someone who had been there for quiet sometime and someone you've grown to love..actually in-love, in the airport and seeing them leave. It hurts, more like painful in a way, which you cant even begin to understand the pain. So i saw her off anyways.

Had a few friends with me in the airport..dana,lyn,dust,aini,jovs and derwin to see the girl who i can safely say that i am actually in-love with. Past the freakin security personel who checks your passport and boarding pass and then closes the door which cuts the view from her. I couldnt see her anymore, i couldnt hear her anymore. It was very depressing to see her off..

Dustin cried, im not surprised though..he had always been a crybaby like mich..both of them actually, unlike me. Me,dust and mich, together for five years,very close with each other for five years and then slowly, all of us goes our own seperate ways. Sad dont you think? But i know its only the beginning of something new. I almost cried but not exactly, just had a few tears accumulate but not ready to drop yet..i know myself, im not really the crying person type ya know..but my heart was crying alright..it was painful to see her go.

Before she left, she gave me an empty bottle of our favourite drink which we always ordered everytime we were in Weststreet, Esprit(Raspberry flavour) thats what its called. With a letter rolled inside it. Read it and somehow, something became very emotional inside me..hhahaha weird right..I actually gave her a small blue penguin-like stuff toy which had a sad face shown on its face, which inturn actually looked like me:D..well thats what mich said:D and i liked it.

Right now, im missing her touch..the way she touched my face with both her hands, the warmth of her palm against my face makes me feel like im a baby, her baby. And those very lovely lips that she has, i want them, i want them against mine..and those feelings i felt everytime we kissed, i cant even begin to explain by just words.."magical", "wonderful", "nice" "good" or something, no words can explain those feelings you've given me everytime we were one.

Right now, my only wish would be that you'll stay safe and that you'll never ever forget me. hehehe how can you anyways, its Rave were talking about here:P i love you. And that, we'll be both successful in the future:D and both of our dreams would come true:) you know what they are baby..

Im sorry bloggers, not the update you've been expecting..right now, im just full of emotions running thru me..Actually, i would say thanks to my friend called "Vodka" because without it, i dont even think i'll be able to write this blog right now..

Going to bed bloggers, drunk ravey out. Goodnight and Sweetdrinks my fellow bloggers. Nytynytz